Chapter Nineteen

Declan

“You look thirsty,” I break the silence, “let’s get you a drink.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” She follows me into the kitchen. “I’ll take whatever beer you got.”

Beer?

“I need another one too.” Jaxon follows behind her, and I want to strangle him. “But what I’m looking for is in the cooler outside, which is where I’ll be going now.”

It’s like he read my fucking mind, thank goodness.

“He’s acting weirder than usual.” She jumps up onto the counter.

“Or maybe you haven’t been spending enough time with them recently,” I respond, grabbing her a beer from the fridge, which is typically off-limits during parties.

“Oh, I get one of the special beers.” She grins, taking it from me. “And I miss them. It’s not every day you beat actual hockey players at a virtual hockey game.”

She places the cap between her teeth and pops it off. I thought the beer part made her a girl after my own heart, but that? That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

But also drew my attention to her lips… and—

“What?” She laughs, wrapping her lips around the top of the bottle and taking a long swig. Never mind, that might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

“That was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen,” I respond. “Where did you learn to do that?”

“Somethings are best kept secret.”

“Not that,” I say, handing her my beer. “Can you do it again?”

She easily snaps my bottle’s cap off before handing it back to me.

“It’s not that cool.” She waves me off before taking another drink.

“Yes, yes, it is,” I argue. “When the guys find out, they’re gonna go insane.”

“Boys are amused by the simplest things.”

“That’s far from simple.”

She laughs again, but this time I really take it in.

“I’ve missed this,” I say before I have time to stop myself. She stops drinking and looks at me. “Things not being weird between us.”

“I’ve missed it too,” she sighs. “If I’m honest, Zeke’s invited me over a couple times to play NHL 17 while you were in class, but I was worried I’d lose track of time—”

“And I’d come home.”

“Yeah.”

“How do I fix this?” I question.

“Fix what?”

“This.” I motion between us.

“There’s nothing to fix.” She shrugs. “We both just admitted we missed this.”

“Yeah, and then you admitted to avoiding me.”

“Declan, there’s nothing to fix,” she repeats. “We just need to work on this econ project and not complicate it. Do our own things, okay?”

“Not okay,” I shake my head, setting my beer down on the counter. “I don’t want to do our own things.”

“It’s not like we’re gonna stay in touch after this project ends.”

“Ember, I miss having someone to talk to,” I admit. “And I hate that things have been weird, but it hasn’t changed the fact that you’re the first person I want to talk to when things get complicated. And with my dad—”

I can’t bring myself to say it.

“I was so happy you were hiding out in my room because deep down, it was you I wanted to talk to about it. How weird is that?”

“Declan—”

“I mean, you hated me, and suddenly you were the person I wanted to tell things to. You were a person who trusted me with secrets of your own.”

“And soon you’ll find someone else to tell all your secrets to,” she says. “You don’t need me.”

“Ember—”

“I mean, Mollie, she’s the type of girl a guy like you should be with.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” she groans like she can’t figure out the right words. “It means that I’m not good enough for you.”

How did we go from flirting just minutes ago to this?

“Declan, that kiss would’ve been a mistake because you deserve so much more.”

“I—”

“I’m not done.” She holds a finger up to shush me. “We both know I don’t like being the center of attention, Declan, and you’re practically the center of everything on this campus. You never really wanted to kiss me; we were just caught up in our emotions.”

She finishes her beer like she needs some liquid courage to get through the rest.

“We were caught up in a moment, and that moment ended. And I’d really like for this conversation to end too.”

This time when she laughs, it seems forced.

“Okay,” I respond. “But you should know you’re wrong.”

“About which part?”

“All of it.”

She looks away from me as I step forward; if I move any closer, I’ll be standing between her legs.

“The kiss wasn’t a mistake. I wanted to kiss you.”

She keeps her eyes anywhere but on mine, and I can hear the uneven rhythm of her breathing.

“And it wasn’t just a fleeting moment because—”

I hesitantly grab her chin to turn her face toward mine; her lips part like she’s ready to protest, but I smile— “I still do.”